Today is World Suicide Prevention Day.  Honestly, I feel a little cynical about it.  I feel hopeful that those who are suicidal and ask for help can get it, it’s not that.  I feel cynical that anyone who wants to kill themselves can be stopped, or worse that those who are in a condition of mental health or condition that they are vulnerable may impulsively do it.  That’s what I feel today.  I worked on call as an ER responder to suicidal clients for 6 years.  That will make you cynical.  But it was my brother’s death that made it personal.  Nevertheless I believe in doing what you can.  I treat it more seriously with clients in front of me.  But you don’t always know it’s “in front” of you.

All therapists have catch phrases they repeat.  I remember Dr. MacMillan often quoted BB King to me “it’s a cruel world and we’re all in it alone.”  Problem is when I look that up I don’t find what what quote he was referring to.  Anyway, something I find myself saying often is “we each have a bandwidth of mental health.  If the full continuum runs from Manson to Mother Theresa, we each have a section which includes our top functioning and our bottom, and we bounce between them.”

So I have a wide bandwidth and I actually visit my worst functioning (internally) more than most people seem to, while appearing to function in my mid-range and accomplishing more than most at the spot.  I’ve been sick for about three weeks straight from Cymbalta withdrawal and I’ve been watching myself barely function.  It really scares me to scrape the bottom, off mood and productivity.  OTOH, it scares me that I could get used to it, and get away with it.

I’m so sensitive that when I don’t feel well physically it’s hard to ignore.  I’ve got allergies and perimenopausal constant pms.  It’s times like these when I wish I did not have a body.  I long for heaven.  Btw, since I was last around here, I became a hypnotherapist.  http://hoodriverhypnosis.com (there are some samples on there under the recording tab).  My goal is to develop my skills to explore past lives and between lives.

Many Lives, Many Masters: The True Story of…  by Brian L. Weiss  $10.20	Journey of Souls: Case Studies of Life Betw…  by Michael Newton  $10.98	Destiny of Souls: New Case Studies of Life …  by Michael Newton  $12.21

Watching some of the DNC and really encouraged by the feeling that they are my people and they sound sane.

It’s Kind of a Funny Story(2010)

So the other day we watched a rerun of this cute movie about a young man’s stay at a psych ward.  This clip is a scene of his fantasy during music therapy.  I love that it shows a lot about adolescent angst with a compassionate view.  I can relate to it as a therapist and a dysthymic.  :)

I’ve been miserable for about two weeks plus due to some med. changes.  It turns out my liver is picky.  I’ve also gained a lot of weight and I’m perimenopausal.  I’m not as reactive emotionally as years past, but I’m still very sensitive to tiny discomforts.

I have so many projects in my mind, but have been less than effective at getting them moving.  

1. I’m sewing a jacket, which I’m doing very well at, but I broke the sewing machine needle last night and have no replacements.
2. I’m working on a DBT curriculum for young moms.
3. My office furniture (desk area) seriously needs to be rearranged.
4. My closet always seems to be needing reorganization.  The closet in my work office is in the same state.
5. I’m taking an eating disorder treatment online class.  One of the books came and I need to read it.
6. I need to get back on a food plan myself.
7. I’m seeing a new psychiatrist since my brother killed himself.  I keep waiting to get my life even enough to “graduate.”
8. My DH and I took up geocaching (but we haven’t gone the past few weekends).
9. My DH and I joined the gym, but we can’t seem to go regularly.
10. I got a book on exercise by personality type (more soon!).

 Something new for me is that I am now wearing glasses.  I was having incredible eye strain and using cheaters a lot, but when I took them off I couldn’t see people across the room. I got this nearly frameless pink pair.  But then I decided I wanted to dress bolder again (another story), so I need a second pair.  I’m choosing between:

 I ordered a).

I also have a new kitten companion for Coco.  Her name is Luna(tic).