November 17, 2011

• Really?

  I feel really bitter today.  I feel like life is something I have to force myself to face.  I feel disgusted by most people.  I keep wishing I had a job that didn’t deal with people.  Once I’m in front of people, it’s fine.  It’s the anticipation, the hours before going in.  Then I sit here and long to stay in my pajamas.

  I look at my schedule with the express purpose of imagining how I’m going to get through it. Great.  I’ve been through this many times before.  It’s a professional hazard.  I will get through it again.

  This weekend I am going to an AlAnon business convention.  It may prove to be quite boring.  But I get a chance to spend time with a potential friend.  Then afterwards on Sunday I will go see my mom and my brother’s kids.  And I’ll wonder if I have a family left at all.  And I’ll try to navigate some way to get through the holidays.

  Luckily today I have 3 clients and a group that I love.  Tonight DH and I will go out to dinner because I’ll be gone this weekend.  

  Yesterday most of my clients cancelled due to the weather or illness, but I did have to get it together for one new client.  Before that I got a call from the pastor of my friend’s church.  I’d left a prayer request about my brother, mother and his children.  He was so kind, I cried my eyes out.

  And I’m making an emotional fool of myself on my fb group.  Tomorrow I have a much bigger day at work before driving to the convention.  I would really prefer to call in sick.  I shouldn’t be admitting that.   I am consumed with too much of my own emotion.

   

  

  • 12:04 pm
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