Month: November 2011

  • Haunting

    You wake up and grief is still right there beside you.  No, you didn’t lose it in your sleep.  You sink and fall away from the world, like the sand beneath an outgoing wave.  In fact, you wonder if you should check if there is still earth beneath you.  You’ve entered another dimension again.  This liminal plane… yes, that’s the word:

    Liminality is a psychological, neurological, or subjective state, conscious or unconscious, of being on the “threshold” of or between two different existential planes…

    You must half cross over when a loved one does.  I felt this when my child’s spirit left my body and now as my mother’s child’s spirit looms close between lives.  And why does death want more death?  (I’m not afraid to say I wish I was dead, I envy my brother, I feel the wrong child died, I have survivor’s guilt). This awareness of impermanence makes this world seem less permanent. 

    The pastor at my friend’s church I attended this past weekend tried to put this life in perspective to the contrasting christian image of eternity.  It was a comforting image at the time, even if I did translate it to my own metaphysics/theology.  I have felt the other side in dreamstate, in alpha traveling, and I remember it and yearn for release from the suffering of this particular life story.  We aren’t defined by this chapter, nor confined.  Our spirits are much larger, and in this we are permanent.

    “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

    Romans 8:18

  • http://channelingmyself.com/2011/06/the-reincarnation-conundrum/

  • Living with another person

    We had a housewarming on 7/16/09, so that’s about when #Greg first moved in with me.  So we’ve lived together for over 2 years.  It’s not easy.  I lived alone before that since I moved out of #Derek ‘s.  Let me figure out when that was. Ok, I moved into Gravenstein in July 2004.  So I lived alone there for 5 years!  OMG.  

    This weekend we have been working on rearranging the den into a meditation room.  We moved our lazy boy chairs downstairs along with our laptops and took them out of the den.  It’s been a way bigger project than I expected and we are both exhausted and cranky.  We need to do some more finishing touches, and make friends with the new room, and as Greg says, “we have to use it.”

  • Work…

    It has been really hard to go to work lately.

    Yesterday, I had to cancel a Reiki session because I just did not feel in proper spiritual condition to give that.  It’s a very understanding client, so I felt ok about it.  Another client asked for her time to be moved from 9 to 11am, which was better for me anyway.  I used to go to the agency I worked for by 8:30 every day.  I could never do that now, since I work until about 7:30pm most days.

    Yesterday I did something a little different at work though, I took 3 members of Dual Diagnosis Anonymous to another meeting of the program in Portland.  Aside from having grief in the background and remembering a lot about Josh on the drive, it was a very good experience for all of us.  None of these people socialize much at all.  We also got Popeye’s chicken and went to New Renaissance books and they had gelato for the first time.

  • Wrongful Death?

    I just sent an email to a law firm asking if we have a case for wrongful death suit.  It bothers me so much that my brother couldn’t get a $4 medication because he couldn’t get a refill due to $200 outstanding doctor bills.

    But why did I do this?  It won’t bring him back. 

  • To Do

    • get my scanner to work… – downloading a patch-that’s not working! just buying a new one
    • find my Photoshop Elements cd
    • get better at hypnosis
    • go see the channeller again today – will write in protected
    • work up the energy to even go to work
    • sweep my carpets in my office
    • not begrudge my DH
    • ?

  • My Janeaology

    http://myjaneaology.blogspot.com/

    My name is now Jane Leu Rekas, and I started a genealogy blog 6/23/2010 to go along with my genealogy site at MyHeritage.com which I started 5/14/2010. I started delving into genealogy just before I got married 6/12/10 to Gregory Phillip Rekas. So far I have 2419 people on my tree in total. I also have a GEDCOM at rootsweb.com which is not as updated as the one above. Please forgive errors and provide corrections:janerekas@hotmail.com 
    I started to research genealogy because my brother wouldn’t come to my wedding.  I guess I wanted to reassure myself that I had more family.  I started finding relatives on FB and other places on the internet.
     
     

    Most Remote Ancestors

    The earliest event is the death ofHans Strübin Direct ancestor of my maternal grandmother’s line (15 generations) (1486). 

    The next earliest event is the birth of Thiel Krickelin Direct ancestor (14 generations) (1514). He is an ancestor of Anna Maria Crecelius(wife of Johann Wilhelm Heymann Sr.). 

    The next earliest event is the birth in 1527 of Ulrich Zugg Direct ancestor by maternal grandfather’s side (14 generations) from Switzerland. His wife Anna Neukcomm was born in 1531, born in Berne, Switzerland. 

    The earliest known “Heyman” on maternal grandmother’s side isChristge Heimans born before1572 in Lohrheim, Hessen-Nassau, Deutschland, died 1628 in Netzbach, Hessen-Nassau, Deutschland. 

    The earliest Campbell known isJohn Campbell, my great-great-great grandfather, born in Scotland in 1797. 

    The most remote ancestors on my father’s side that I knew of are my great grandfather, Waldorf school teacher, Aetti Willi Aeppli, born1894 in Switzerland and my other great grandfather, Hans Mathias Leu born 1896 in Basel, Switzerland. His father Hans Leuwas born in 1870, and his father was Jakob Leu (no birthdate). 

    But now I know much more of the wife of Hans Mathias Leu, Frida Elisabeth Schmidt, whose great-grandfather Johann Jakob Schmidtwas born in 1789 in Germany and her great-great-grandmother,Elisabeth Gempp, was born in1760.

  • Rearranging

    Ever since I was little, I have had fits of furniture rearranging.  By fits I only mean that suddenly I will decide that everything in a room needs to be moved around.  I suggested a redo of our house this weekend, but then I was too depressed to implement it.  I am brewing a redo of my office, but fear the same impediment. At work, I want to move some of my furniture away from the door to the hall as there seems to be some confidentiality problems. At home, I want to create an alternative to endlessly sitting in front of the tv with our laptops, avoiding talking or meditating.  But how badly do I want that?

    I also want to rearrange my work schedule.  If I have a 9am client and a 6pm client, I’m at work 10 hours.  But I work 6 days a week.  I would never have done that at an agency.  Is it really paying off to do it in private practice?

    I want to rearrange my work life by incorporating more breadth to my practice.  I am able to offer Reiki, astrology, and now hypnosis.  I am considering learning acupuncture at the advice of a psychic. I would like to learn to do channeling.