Sometimes I just forget.  I forget how everything connects for me, and thus it all flies apart.  So, I think my allergies and perimenopausal hormones are connected.  I don't care if "doctors" don't.  They have no idea how I actually feel, which is horrible.  My gyno said that perimenopause is like have PMS all the time, and yet my old fart GP said essentially that was bullshit.  I hate him.  I'm going to change doctors. I'm also frustrated with the ND I went to, so I'm not returning to her.  I did make an appt. with an allergy specialist at the local ENT clinic, but it's not until the 16th and will probably only be about seasonal allergies, not including food allergies...

So we are switching cat litters, because the dust from the regular clay litters is making me hysterical.  And we switched to a natural dishwashing tablet instead of the regular brand and its fumes!  I seem to be becoming chemically sensitive right now.  I can't wait until it rains.  We've been without rain very late this season.  It's forecasted for next weekend.  We've also had at least 4 fires in the area, creating fire pollution in the air.

I'm trying to find a new space to move my office.  My DH tore down the ceiling that was falling down in the closet and found not only inches of mold, but probable asbestos.  Ew!  Obviously this has to have contributed to my being sick.

mold

some of the rubble

asbestos

The building is from the 1900s, as evidenced by this lathe on the ceiling instead of drywall. Note how stained it is from mold.  The maintenance man says they've known about this problem for at least 30 years.  Our state has no law against mold, acc. to the Health Dept., but we kept a sample in case the asbestos is something they'd respond to.

So today we are going to the biggest AA mtg. of the week, partly so I can sell a ticket to a friend for the Gratitude Banquet we have in early November, but also because I might stay for the business meeting.  There is a service position called Cooperation with the Professional Community. I would rather do this service at the District level, and will also try to go to their mtg. on the upcoming Tuesday.

Then we are going to go try to empty out our storage unit, which is a useless monthly bill.  Ugh... that's a fun task, not.

What I would rather do is stay in my pajamas all day.

 We tried out this recipe:

 

 

• 1 15 oz can low- or no-salt black beans, drained and rinsed
• 4 large whole eggs
• 1-1/2 tbsp Stevia - we doubled it to 3 tbsp.
• 4 tbsp cocoa powder
• 2 tbsp strong coffee
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 2 tbsp canola oil
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• we added: 1/2 tsp. xanthan gum (Bob's Red Mill)

You know what pisses me off about health and nutrition?: the incredible amount of "conflicting" evidence or information.  We so naively think certain foods are healthy (or don't think at all).  Or we jump on the bandwagon of one fad without being sure it's the "right" one for us and our bodies.

For example, I have been vegetarian for 2 years now and gained 50 lbs.  I'm also a compulsive eater and at quite a bit of sugar and flour when cheating, so there is no clear evidence that it was the soy, but suddenly the perspective of estrogen dominance makes me wonder.  But that's just one example.

But let's back up.  20 years ago I heard an ND say that we crave foods we are allergic to.  That was the first time I gave up sugar.  I've done it 3 or 4 times for 2-3 years.  I always feel healthier.

The Truth About Natural Sweeneters "The bottom line is that sugar is sugar. Too much sugar—whether it’s marketed as “natural” or not—can harm your health. "

Healthy Sugar Alternatives  Gives the glycemic index of various sweeteners.

more soon...

I tried Past Life Regression with my husband over the weekend.  I'm learning to do more advanced hypnosis.  It was unsuccessful, but this is because my guinea pig is quite resistant.  I will learn more about it.

Recommended Books & CDs on Reincarnation and Hypnosis

 Hood River Hypnosis http://hoodriverhypnosis.com

name my business, focus

	The Creative Process spread is designed specifically to peer into the nature of a project or creative undertaking, and shine a spotlight on the evolution of its parts. The Haindl Tarot weaves a tapestry of haunting beauty from the traditions of Native America, the Holy Grail, the I Ching, Kabbalah and the Norse Runes, and is the deck of choice for mystics and those seeking enlightenment. If you would like your own copy of the Haindl Tarot, you can buy it now!
	The card in the middle represents the creative force behind the project, be it a person, organization, or other entity. Five of Swords (Defeat), when reversed: Situation growing better, with courage and persistence.  I Ching Hexagram 47 Oppression. The broken swords represent technology. The ancient unicorn is dying. The bubble is tainted with blood.
	The card on the top represents imagination - the prophetic image that stems from the creative force of the previous card to initiate the project. This is thepoetry or voice of the undertaking. Ten of Cups (Success): Successful development, with some effort required. I Ching Hexagram 46 Pushing Upward. Stones push up from the surging sea. An ancient rock has a dark hole at its center, signifying mystery. The black dirt is fertile.
	The card on the left represents emotion - the feelings aroused by or surrounding the ideation of the project that takes place in the previous card. This is the music or scent of the undertaking. Eight of Cups (Failure): Failure. Arrogance and greed. Accept help from others. I Ching Hexagram 41 Decrease. The cups are in confusion, reflecting chaos. Words on the lower right are from Chief Seattle's speech on the injustices done not only to humans but to animals and to Earth herself. Lines of light and flowing water give hope of a hidden joy that cannot be destroyed.
	The card on the bottom represents thought - the analytical process of organizing the project and capturing the emotional content of the previous card. This is the science or vision of the undertaking. Six of Wands (Victory), when reversed: Loss of belief. Negative attitude can lead to failure. I Ching Hexagram 2 The Receptive. The six spears are at the same height, suggesting cooperation. Vines of ivy signify victory, as evergreens they triumph over the death of winter.
	The card on the right represents manifestation - the real work involved in completing the project, and the form it will take upon culmination. This is thepainting or touch of the undertaking. The Hermit, when reversed: Involvement with others. Fear of loneliness. Disturbing The Symbols Yod, hand; Is, I, ice; Virgo. The Image A man stands on a mountiantop, surrounded by birds symbolizing the spirit. The gnomes, whose faces appear in the rock, symbolize the elemental spirit forces alive in nature. The lantern is human knowledge and teachings passed from generation to generation. An eye inside a triangle forms a traditional image of God.

So I'm trying to decide whether to move offices. I pay $420 for two adjoining offices (one I use as a wait room/group room). There is an office for $650 across the street (catty corner). It is a 700 sq. foot rectangle. I could put in extra walls to divide it (problematic for air flow)... or just use standing dividers (problematic for confidentiality).The cons of my current office are probable mold in the closet. The landlord is a slumlord. The pros of the new office are convenience of location and I could set up my Reiki and hypnosis areas and leave them up full time.

My biz actually has 3 names, and I wonder if I should consolidate...

Emilia Clarke from Game of Thrones

in Chanel

in Posen

Kelly Osbourne

 Monique Lhuillier gown

check out those shoes

Ginnifer Goodwin

Edie Falco 

in Stella McCartney

Jessica Lang in J. Mendel

Zooey Deschanel

 nail art!

in Reem Arca  

Padme Lakshmi in Monique Lhuillier 

 in J. Mendel

Jena Malone

in Sucker Punch (so cute)

Jane Levy in heavenly blue by Pamella Roland

from Suburgatory

I went to a new Naturopath this week. 

 Mainly my allergies drove me to go, but the intake form asks you to list all your issues, so I couldn't avoid writing "weight."  This ND is a weight loss specialist also.  Dr. Samantha Mathers, ND, seems a little doogy-howser-young, but that's only because I feel old at the moment.  She seems like she has her business dialed in with a definite online presence.  

I had a lot of trouble finding her office because she had changed suites in the bldg. and when googled her old ste. came up.  There was no index on the main floor either.  I finally figured it out, because a) I had left very early, and b) my own office is catty-corner, so I went back to my computer to search, rather than only using my iphone.  Still, it irritated me.

Anyway, I'm on a 2 week eliminaton diet.  Luckily, I decided to combine it with the structure of a 12 step food plan.  This is what is familiar to me.  The only successful weight loss I've ever had before came from OA or CEA-HOW, or FAA.  This involves having a set quantity and type of food for each meal and snack.  While the ND said foods to eliminate, she said some foods were unlimited, like veggies.  Weight Watchers does that.  I think it's too slippery for a compulsive eater, but hey... 

She also gave me a product (EHB) that will kill off the excess antibodies caused by severe allergies.  And I'm back on an adrenal support.

The worst part of it is realizing where my starting weight is.  I have gained 55 lbs. since getting married.  I can't tell you how devastating that is.  Here's why:

1. I told Greg that his addiction isn't visible.  When I overeat, I get fat, and people notice.  Whether people are conscious of it or not, we are a very size-ist society.  I know I am, and of course, I realize that is influenced by my own eating disorder. (It isn't so much that I meet criteria for an eating disorder, I have disordered eating and disordered thinking/feeling about it).
2. My top weight ever was in my first marriage, and I am only 12 pounds from it.  How did this happen?  I think I dissociate from my weight, meaning I just don't track where it is and when it is creeping up.
3. I gained about 10 lbs. in the last month or so, going off Cymbalta, and turning to food as medication.
4. The other 4/5th of the weight I've gained has been due to Greg being a chef and providing too much for my food, even healthy food.  In part, this is due also to becoming vegetarian.  This is a big argument we have, but the ND agreed that soy is not great for everyone and it does contribute to estrogen dominance.
5. Mostly weight gain is a sign of depression for me.  I know that my weight has also gone up since my brother's suicide.

.

Going to the gym is no kinda way to start a Mon. DH always gets up first. I've always been the early riser. He's pretty anxious often. He's trying to get on a med. I'm just starting to feel done with Cymbalta withdrawal. There is a fire nearby and the smoke is magnifying my allergies.

Ha! I was sewing all weekend and noticed a big bunch of thread on my sweats.

There is a loud mouth personal trainer at our gym. Frankly I hate him. I'm tempted to complain. Luckily today I can drown him out with music - except between songs.

So I ordered some FAA stuff. And I'm going to start using fit day.com. I'm tired of being this out of shape.